A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I need moral support for this bender
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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