i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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