I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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