He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
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I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
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Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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