so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize