dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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