No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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