I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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