If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
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That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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