What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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