I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize