you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
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Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
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He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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