I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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