good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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