HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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