There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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