He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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