My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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