i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
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She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
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Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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