So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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