this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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