I hate all girls vehemently.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I bet he comes in French.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
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I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Mom said you looked used
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You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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