it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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