I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize