Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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