Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize