i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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