Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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