I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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