After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
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he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
the gays at disneyland are vicious
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I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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