This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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