finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize