My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize