We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize