I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
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My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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