it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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