I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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