the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
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Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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