God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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