i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize