He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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