he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
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Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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