I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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