There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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