Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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