life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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