No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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