My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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