whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
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its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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