this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize