guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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