I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize